Should Shedding

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Notion - For we all owe it to ourselves

I have never been a fan of the terms quarter-life crisis or mid-life crisis. Sure there is a logic and empirical backing to the establishment of these terms and it makes perfect sense to call them so, but I get hung up on the numerical aspect of it. For if this one is my quarter-life crisis then it would be followed by a panic attack as my mind would calculate my full life to be of 120 years of age. And that would be very unsettling.
But keeping all this mindless chatter and rambling aside, let me try to steer my way back to what I actually wanted to talk about. Yes. Steer.
I got introduced to Missy Higgins' soulful singing through Brothers and Sisters. No surprises there as most of my music findings are thanks to series and movies and other random encounters (and isn't that how music should always be found? Randomly!). I used to listen to Steer so often that I never thought back then that I would ever be surprised by it. And then the song drifted away for years until it came back recently. And it brought back all the alacrity and energy it always did. It was such an adrenaline rush that I could barely control my mind which was racing and planning 100 things to do. I stepped out of my apartment with all these plans and executed some of them too. But then there it was - the question that pops any bubble, pricks any balloon filled with all that hopeful air. Should I?
Those who know me well, know that I overthink and overanalyze. But they also know that regardless of all the thinking and inquiring and consulting, I always end up doing what my mind was already set on. So it would come as a surprise if I talk about the 'shoulds' that shroud my wishes. 
Perhaps it is that infamous quarter-life crisis looming over my age group, that's making me talk about the 'shoulds'. But let's not try to analyze the cause of it. All I know is that I have always had a list of dos and donts and shoulds and shouldn'ts 'guiding' me through my decisions. The fact that I only dropped those when in high 'spirits' or when I did something which was perceived as radical, solidified the belief that they truly make sense and I should stick to them. And before you know it, you start hiding under them without even realizing it. Still lost, aren't you? Let me try to steer better.
It was about two months ago that I ran a 10K run. Now it wasn't the first time in the last year that I ran 10K. But it was the first time I posted about it. Why? Because I had told myself that I 'should' do it when I run an organized run. I 'should' do it after having lost an X amount of weight so that it would look believable that I run. Runners 'should' look a certain way. And on and on. I have been running more or less regularly for over a year now but I always held back from posting or talking about it because, well, only runners of a specific form 'should' talk about running, correct? 
Similarly, I never posted recordings of me singing. I have been singing all my life and yet the amount of shoulds that cloud my singing are astonishing. Same is about dancing. If you don't know me well you would think I have gone bonkers when you see me dance. But if you knew me as a child you would know I only and only dance all the time.
All these things that make me happy, and a few more, have been hidden safely away by a gazillion shoulds. And I really don't know where and when they got rooted so fixedly. But I think I am ready to let go of some them at this moment. The timing of all this should shedding is peculiar no doubt. Why now? What for? But let me pose one more question and make you realize why I am not so keen on finding answers to that. Should I really be doing this? 
The moment that should popped in my mind I knew I had to banish it and start typing. It has been more than year that I put out a blog and there have been a few shoulds there as well that have held me back from hitting that 'Publish' button. But hopefully, it wouldn't be so anymore. A social media diarrhea about to happen you might worry? Well hopefully not. But musings of all sorts are about to hit this spot for a while. So stay tuned!
And now steering all the way to Steer, the song - the music and the lyrics of this song have always inspired me to shed the excess we sometimes carry unnecessarily. I had the biggest smile I have ever had while running when I had this song in my ears after all those years. Hope it steers you well while you entertain these words of mine.

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