Unknown Urges

Notion - For cities have a soul
Song - While You Were Sleeping - Love theme

15 messages, 13 shares and about 20 forwards overall on different social media. The polar vortex of Chicago created a vortex of people's interest for my thoughts and feelings about it. I found it endearing that people were being thoughtful and considerate. It was after all a bitter sweet reminder that I am not in Chicago. The sweet part was that I knew I had chosen to leave on my own accord and I had bid a beautiful farewell to the city in my very own personal way. The bitter part wasn't that I am now in the chaos, that is Mumbai - but it was that I am not in Chicago.

It's been a month since I did the unthinkable, the unspeakable - I moved back home despite of not having a visa issue or not losing a job. And the even further unheard and unthinkable of changing my lifestyle from that of a US corporate professional to that of a (proud and happy) not-for-profit employee. So the polar vortex sort of helped me get the message across better - 'of course he came back - have you seen the weather there recently? good he is here!' It was all quite reassuring and caring to be honest but living in Chicago perhaps has made my heart cold too - for I simply miss all of that coldness. Of course I am not thrilled that people have suffered in these past few days but that doesn't define Chicago in absoluteness does it?

I kept these thoughts to myself - not an active effort of keeping them in, was quite subconscious an effort I reckon - and then I saw a photo a friend posted on instagram. Streets. Lights. Mist. Fog. Snow. White. Gray. Cold. 

Chicago.

As an Indian teenager obsessed with Hollywood movies and series, US was always NYC for me. More so, as an unabashed rom-com movie aficionado, love was always found in Manhattan specifically. Chicago on the other hand was merely a city. That's all there was to it for a very long time. And then I was to live there. And live I did. Took me barely a month to proclaim it my 'home city'. Sounded cocky and pretentious then but I know what had prompted me to use the term 'home city'. I mean my words and therefore choose them very thoughtfully. And sometimes they surprise me because it is after I utter them that I realize that those are my true feelings. I never knew I had made it a part of my being till I posted a pink sunset skyline photo of 'my city' on Facebook. And like very many other things in my life, the liking for the city became evident quite later although it was always ingrained. 

There has always been this lingering thought in my mind about NYC. That perhaps it is not truly what it is painted as - it is hyped. I mean there are books about how wonderful NYC is. Movies, songs and even paintings adore New York. O'Henry's short story about it is the apt expression of why that city is so captivating. Cities truly have souls. Chicago's soul is in its buildings, its bridges, its lake shore, its cold winds - aah the winds! Now all of these are things that capture my attention and they were all in one city! And how could I not have realized it sooner is something that I can never understand!

And once I did, I saw evidences of it in my favorite movies too - the story of Julia Roberts and Dermot Mulroney unfolds in Chicago in My Best Friend's Wedding. Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reaves are separated by past and future in the Lake House but Chicago is what they have in common. And While You Were Sleeping starts and ends with the 'L'. There's so much magnificence and wonder in the city that you cannot truly get over it once you give your heart to the city. Few months or may be years down the line, the shift in career and lifestyle will take precedence in thought and consideration I am sure. Not necessarily of regret or of disappointment, but of convenience and ease of life. Those are thoughts and emotions I can 'logic' my way out. But this at the moment is more of being reminded that although I carry the cold winds and the architectural wonders with me in my heart, its soul is still there. And its soul is what I fell for. 

Picking a song to associate with the writing was extremely easy this time. If I were to make you hear and see and feel Chicago, I would ask you to see While You Were Sleeping and listen to its background score. So hopefully you enjoy the sweetness of the movie and feel the unforgettable chillness of Windy City. 

P.S. - O'hare airport is a pain and I show no love toward it.